tabula rasa

... eventually...

Running..

the chaos of blue beads as they jangle in the halting sunlight of a slow afternoon turns her within herself... she's avoiding her happy place in her head coz she has a feeling this time it will ache more than soothe...

her highest highs... her deepest lows.. they've all come and dealt her blows...

she knows she'd stopped talking... she knows coz she was avoiding facing herself.. sometimes it's really easy to take the easy way out.. what she didn't know at the time was it'll hit her so bad when she does take the time out... she needed to let her guard down and just talk it out...

and after she'd done it she found her tarot card to read "Under the auspices of Strength, the professional environment is in your favor provided you're prepared to stop struggling and let out your fears to someone who's willing to listen. There's no shame in taking a bit of a break and allowing your guard to drop a little. Work out whom to call, and talk it over until things seem clearer."

and in the evening boss walked by just to check on her.. she smiled... but she knew she needed the time out and she knew she wanted to just sit and pour out her heart (ok.. yeah tears out)..

friday night turned to 'defect resolution war rooms' and by 3 AM she was pooped enough to just hit the pillow and sleep... the quiescence of a saturday made its way on her and as the rain clouds decided to pour down so did her tears... she misses him... in such situations he's always been able to just hold her hand even if he's not really understood it and she's been able to find it in her..

someone told her something profound... "you feel this way coz u care... the other folks don't.. they won't... there's a learning involved here... you've gained in experience when such things happen.." and then they said what she's always told herself.. "learn from it.. take it in your stride and move on..."

She knows she can... and she just smiled... :)

It's just that sometimes in life you're like 'this close' to giving it up... and then unexpectedly someone will walk in just knowing exactly what it is... give u one look to say 'i believe in you' and 'i am there'. Sometimes... that's all you really need to get back in the game!

"when exhaustion gets tired... when agony doubles over in pain... when defeat waves a white flag... i will still be out there.. Running... running to the beat of my own drummer... running easy."

hypercity

she's started coming back to this obsessively clean house with the quaint incense smells... she figures she does it so she's reminded less and less of him.. damn! who's she running from?!

oh well... once that tookover it was back to the normalcy of being able to run out to office without having a bath... cooking up an experiment in the kitchen.. and just sitting in the balcony to stare into space...

but... a parental storm is in the making... (yes they are coming... and to convince her to get married!) the whole world goes.. "so why don't you two get married..?!" (earlier it was family.. now it's work tooo!!!)

it's hard for most folks to figure she likes her work... they go "huh?!" and then go "~ sheesh! escapist!" or "omg!!!" or "workaholic!!"

how do you explain it that you like going nuts on weekdays and totally totally lazing around on a weekend with nothing much else to do except surf the net and order chinese food?! how do you explain that you like to look good for yourself and that you're in a very comfortable place being who you are and that you enjoy it without having to feel guilty about it any way?! (actually.. why should you explain it!)

oh well.. i hold my "peace"! ;)

of daaru and juaa

i've gotten out of office at 6:30 PM and called Mish... she almost drops the phone in disbelief that yours truly who's Friday nights start at an average at 11:30 PM is out at the human hour of 630!!!! It calls for a celebration and by the time we're home all we can all do is CRASH! in an uneasy twist of sleepless fate I wake up at 4:30 AM (talk of a body clock that is udderly responsive!) and well for want of something better to do at that inhuman hour i remember the conversations over the week and laugh my heart out!

me: knock knock.. :)

jeetsachdeva: rathore here.. ram ram hai

me: :) kya haal hain?

jeetsachdeva : badiya hai ... bus humara lappy .... thoda bemar ho gya hai

me: haww.. kya hua?

rathore: ab kya batayen .... sab thik thak tha .... and one night we got drunk ... and sources say ... who were in senses ... tht we offered some to dear lappy also.. and the next morning .... and till now .. its in hangover ....

its in nehru place .... some major shot in mother board

(5 minutes) (i have been staring at the screen in disbelief!)

me: please keh do ye jhooth hai... main aur mere desk k aas paas ki junta hans hans k lot pot ho gaye hain!

rathore: nahi ... this is the hard fact of life and i have to live with this ....

nahi ye serious hai .... :(

me: i empathize but bahut funny hai!!!!!

rathore: hmmm .... ab jo log bhi iss ghatna ko sun ke haanse hai ... kam se kam .... mere lappy ke liye prey to kar dain .... shayad kal vo result sunayenge .... if it is going to work again or slept forever

me: please please please can i post this on my blog?

rathore: kya ??? blog ???

me: we will all pray

rathore: i hope .. ki main aapko mana karta aur aap post nahi karti ... but now i guess have no choice but to read this ...

[PS: now all u guys reading this had better pray for Rathore!]

And then, the best of Barman aka Dada

barman.arindam: u thr

me: yuppp

barman.arindam: busy? tumhara no. do

mera phone ka case ho gaya

RAce course mein gaya tha

mobilei alloed nahi hai paata nahi tha

cops caught me in the betting area with mobile

phone confiscate kar liya

mein to saaala dekhne ke liye gaya tha

oh log socha kuch bookie hai..

kuch bhi hota rheta hai mere saath yaar

bol raha hai 10000 fine do

phir phone milega

me: aisa aapke saath hi ho sakta hai!!!! the chosen one!!!

barman.arindam: daarubaaz suttebaaz ladkibaaz. ab sob ko paata chal gaya ki yeh to jua bhi khelta hai

kya pofile hai!!

u guyz shld be proud to know somone like me

me: :) jo sach hai vo kabhi na kabhi saamne aa hi jata

and this made me go back to Dada's dream of long black car, 4 daarubaaz friends... ek lamba highway and the song playing... "Ya Rabba!!"

This is a song I've started to sing quite often...

Dede koi jaan bhi agar... traffic be ho na... traffic pe ho na koi asar!

Road hai ya sazaa... aie meri car bata...

toot ta kyon nahi... jam ka silsila...!

Ya Rabba!!

~ enough of the insanity for one post i say!!

masala chaat

jeetsachdeva: kya hua jaaneman... kyo udaas ho.. ? keval shaareerik peeda hai ya mansik bhi...

me: dono hai swami

[long pause]

me: aap behoshi ki aagosh me kho gaye swami?

jeetsachdeva: pineapple kaat raha hoon priye

me: mere pyaare priyatam!

jeetsachdeva: mere khwabon ki rajkumari

me: mere khalaon ke reh guzar se ye dekhiye aap guzar rahen hain..

khayalon*

jeetsachdeva: white flag white flag.....

me: itni jaldi pran nath?!

jeetsachdeva: urdu nahi khelunga... priyatama

me: :P

jeetsachdeva: u're supposed to say.... swaaaameeee ! ! naheeeeeeeee !

me: ok ok!! praan nath et al... nahi! aisa mat kijiye! is gufutugu ka khule aam katl na kijiye!

oh well... ;) moments of madness!

Recorded...

There are these moments that you want to not forget for what they have meant to you...

After a particulalrly harried week for various reasons she get a call and it goes "Aneesha.. can I say something?"... She's amused and casually says "Sure". She gets blown away as she hears "It is refreshing to have you around! You are one of the few people who really know what she is doing" She smiles and says thank you.

Then in the after hours she gets pinged... (after a particularly harrowing experience)... 'Go home, please?' ..... She promises to be off in the next 30 minutes and to stay safe!

~ She's also advised to marry for money and not for love! ;) hee hee!

Thanks Charley.

Forbidden Lands!

And this is the experience...

Kinnaur, Lahaul and Spiti with 78mm!

speeding on a jetplane!

how did life become so complicated she wondered?

well not hers.. but around her poeple are being pushed and pulled by the fabric of society...

she sees people giving in to cravings (of various types) and it saddens her heart...

how people have started to 'chase' a dream instead of 'following' it...

how people refuse to fathom the simple joys of wheatflakes with milk and honey... (they'd rather think about the calories); a cup of green tea in the morning... (how can anything possibly be wrong with it?); rushing along without having a bath coz you know u'd rather sleep than feel the epitome of clean... (~ now that may well be a personal threshold! ;) ); getting a 'thank-you' note for good work done... (instead of fighting to get up higher); taking a walk in the rain... (without worrying about wetting your clothes.. duh!)... and of a first speeding ticket! ;)

The story of the speeding ticket goes like this... 11:30 AM still in the car and driving nice and peacefully to catch a jet 1 PM flight... suddenly you realize that it's Jet.. the last she remembers is their check in is 60 mins and not 40 like others! ~ thus begins the zipzapzoom through a myriad mix of cars on namma bengaluru's roads! The first police radar is something she notices and brakes... passes through without incident and then zipszapszooms again to reach namma airport which is 100 miles away! (~sheesh!)

12:15 PM entry.. meanwhile a call has been made and it is confirmed that our dude can reach 30 mins before boarding and we are still ok! As the man is loaded with bags and in his own words looks like a 'laptop salesman' he gets the parting hug and instructions to messgae once he's boarded... (after all she'll have to pick him up otherwise right!)

Well... habituated to the 120-130 speeds and empty roads she zipszapszooms again straight into the cops net. :'(

Cop: First extremely surprised that a girl was speeding and then..

"Madam.. ye gaadi tez ja raha tha"

Yours Truly: "sir kitna tez...?"

Cop: "Madam speed limit 80 hai"

Yours Truly: praying teh cop doesnt smell the beer for breakfast on her breath or spot the bottles of booze in her car steps oout and asks: "sir fine kitna hai"

Cop: amazed again at the fact that she hasnt try to patao him etc..

Yours Truly meanwhile continues to pray

Cop: 600

Yours Truly: (knowing this is high) "aap receipt de do main fine deti hai"

Cop: 300

Yours Truly: ~ smiles smugly and heaves a sigh of relief coz that's the amount she has in her wallet and 5 bucks more... takes out the money, hands it over and stands meekly like a good kid.

Cop: smiles at her and says thank you madam

Yours Truly: ~ looks around weirdly and hen runs to the car to get outta there!!!!

And then she calls mom and dad: "Hi! I got my first speeding ticket!"

Mom: "haan mujhe bhi milti hain. par main 100 main hi bach jaati hun! congratulations on the graduation!"

Dad: "both mother and daughter get speeding tickets! ~sheesh! and yes.. congratulations by the way for the first one!"

Elder Sister: "wow!!!! you can drive that fast!!!"

~ kya family hai!

DayDreaming!

Here's a song that came rushing back to me...

"Dreamin' I'm always dreamin'

Dreamin' love will be mine

Searchin' I'm always searchin'

Hopin' someday I'll find

Someone, someone to love me

Someone to need me but until then

Well I'll keep on dreamin'

Keep right on dreamin'

Dreamin' till my dreamin' comes true ue ue ue ue ue ue ue..."

back to the basics!

and it's a beautiful, rain-filled yet sunshiny day! there's a barbeque planned... ;) and the marvellous laziness of a slow saturday fills her with peace!

she smiles as she stutters up out of bed and begins to marinade the chicken!

~ and then everyone needs to believe in something.. she believes she'll grab some beer! (food my friend can make u smile!) ;)