There is no charge for Awsomeness!

And sometimes it's the simplest things that flash in your face and you stop in tracks.. here she was sitting with a glass of wine as it struck her.. "hey.. take it as it comes!". In that moment it was so profound it took away all her fears.. it lightened mountains off her and she breathed easy!! :)

She's daring to hope again.. after ages... keep your fingers crossed!

Meanwhile her lil 2 year old brat has been getting her to discover laughter and he's her lil Kung Fu Panda!! :D The latest off him is "I'm going to Thailand to meet nice nice Divas!"

Skadoosh!

yes.. tabula rasa

this christmas day mayn't be special specifically in terms of being white or merry or christmasy! but yes.. it's a clean slate.. a new life.. a new beginning...

the beginning did enforce a major cleanup operation of her living spaces... loads and loads of junk got thrown out.. incencse sticks loaded on and lit dutifully every day... the kitchen is spanking clean and good as new! good karma flows.. chocolate pastries and sausages rest in the fridge...

the ghosts in her abode also seem to smile...

new year resolution - a healthier life!! breakfast!! and some exercise! that's it! ~ now that's not too ambitious is it?!

namma bengaluru becomes lonelier as the days go by... it's just gramps n me in town now... trying to get "Mommy aka Shekhar" to move.. hoping it works out! need some excitement!!

meanwhile.. flights ready for takeoff to mumbai for new years!! cya!!

tabula rasa

... eventually...

Running..

the chaos of blue beads as they jangle in the halting sunlight of a slow afternoon turns her within herself... she's avoiding her happy place in her head coz she has a feeling this time it will ache more than soothe...

her highest highs... her deepest lows.. they've all come and dealt her blows...

she knows she'd stopped talking... she knows coz she was avoiding facing herself.. sometimes it's really easy to take the easy way out.. what she didn't know at the time was it'll hit her so bad when she does take the time out... she needed to let her guard down and just talk it out...

and after she'd done it she found her tarot card to read "Under the auspices of Strength, the professional environment is in your favor provided you're prepared to stop struggling and let out your fears to someone who's willing to listen. There's no shame in taking a bit of a break and allowing your guard to drop a little. Work out whom to call, and talk it over until things seem clearer."

and in the evening boss walked by just to check on her.. she smiled... but she knew she needed the time out and she knew she wanted to just sit and pour out her heart (ok.. yeah tears out)..

friday night turned to 'defect resolution war rooms' and by 3 AM she was pooped enough to just hit the pillow and sleep... the quiescence of a saturday made its way on her and as the rain clouds decided to pour down so did her tears... she misses him... in such situations he's always been able to just hold her hand even if he's not really understood it and she's been able to find it in her..

someone told her something profound... "you feel this way coz u care... the other folks don't.. they won't... there's a learning involved here... you've gained in experience when such things happen.." and then they said what she's always told herself.. "learn from it.. take it in your stride and move on..."

She knows she can... and she just smiled... :)

It's just that sometimes in life you're like 'this close' to giving it up... and then unexpectedly someone will walk in just knowing exactly what it is... give u one look to say 'i believe in you' and 'i am there'. Sometimes... that's all you really need to get back in the game!

"when exhaustion gets tired... when agony doubles over in pain... when defeat waves a white flag... i will still be out there.. Running... running to the beat of my own drummer... running easy."

hypercity

she's started coming back to this obsessively clean house with the quaint incense smells... she figures she does it so she's reminded less and less of him.. damn! who's she running from?!

oh well... once that tookover it was back to the normalcy of being able to run out to office without having a bath... cooking up an experiment in the kitchen.. and just sitting in the balcony to stare into space...

but... a parental storm is in the making... (yes they are coming... and to convince her to get married!) the whole world goes.. "so why don't you two get married..?!" (earlier it was family.. now it's work tooo!!!)

it's hard for most folks to figure she likes her work... they go "huh?!" and then go "~ sheesh! escapist!" or "omg!!!" or "workaholic!!"

how do you explain it that you like going nuts on weekdays and totally totally lazing around on a weekend with nothing much else to do except surf the net and order chinese food?! how do you explain that you like to look good for yourself and that you're in a very comfortable place being who you are and that you enjoy it without having to feel guilty about it any way?! (actually.. why should you explain it!)

oh well.. i hold my "peace"! ;)

of daaru and juaa

i've gotten out of office at 6:30 PM and called Mish... she almost drops the phone in disbelief that yours truly who's Friday nights start at an average at 11:30 PM is out at the human hour of 630!!!! It calls for a celebration and by the time we're home all we can all do is CRASH! in an uneasy twist of sleepless fate I wake up at 4:30 AM (talk of a body clock that is udderly responsive!) and well for want of something better to do at that inhuman hour i remember the conversations over the week and laugh my heart out!

me: knock knock.. :)

jeetsachdeva: rathore here.. ram ram hai

me: :) kya haal hain?

jeetsachdeva : badiya hai ... bus humara lappy .... thoda bemar ho gya hai

me: haww.. kya hua?

rathore: ab kya batayen .... sab thik thak tha .... and one night we got drunk ... and sources say ... who were in senses ... tht we offered some to dear lappy also.. and the next morning .... and till now .. its in hangover ....

its in nehru place .... some major shot in mother board

(5 minutes) (i have been staring at the screen in disbelief!)

me: please keh do ye jhooth hai... main aur mere desk k aas paas ki junta hans hans k lot pot ho gaye hain!

rathore: nahi ... this is the hard fact of life and i have to live with this ....

nahi ye serious hai .... :(

me: i empathize but bahut funny hai!!!!!

rathore: hmmm .... ab jo log bhi iss ghatna ko sun ke haanse hai ... kam se kam .... mere lappy ke liye prey to kar dain .... shayad kal vo result sunayenge .... if it is going to work again or slept forever

me: please please please can i post this on my blog?

rathore: kya ??? blog ???

me: we will all pray

rathore: i hope .. ki main aapko mana karta aur aap post nahi karti ... but now i guess have no choice but to read this ...

[PS: now all u guys reading this had better pray for Rathore!]

And then, the best of Barman aka Dada

barman.arindam: u thr

me: yuppp

barman.arindam: busy? tumhara no. do

mera phone ka case ho gaya

RAce course mein gaya tha

mobilei alloed nahi hai paata nahi tha

cops caught me in the betting area with mobile

phone confiscate kar liya

mein to saaala dekhne ke liye gaya tha

oh log socha kuch bookie hai..

kuch bhi hota rheta hai mere saath yaar

bol raha hai 10000 fine do

phir phone milega

me: aisa aapke saath hi ho sakta hai!!!! the chosen one!!!

barman.arindam: daarubaaz suttebaaz ladkibaaz. ab sob ko paata chal gaya ki yeh to jua bhi khelta hai

kya pofile hai!!

u guyz shld be proud to know somone like me

me: :) jo sach hai vo kabhi na kabhi saamne aa hi jata

and this made me go back to Dada's dream of long black car, 4 daarubaaz friends... ek lamba highway and the song playing... "Ya Rabba!!"

This is a song I've started to sing quite often...

Dede koi jaan bhi agar... traffic be ho na... traffic pe ho na koi asar!

Road hai ya sazaa... aie meri car bata...

toot ta kyon nahi... jam ka silsila...!

Ya Rabba!!

~ enough of the insanity for one post i say!!

Recorded...

There are these moments that you want to not forget for what they have meant to you...

After a particulalrly harried week for various reasons she get a call and it goes "Aneesha.. can I say something?"... She's amused and casually says "Sure". She gets blown away as she hears "It is refreshing to have you around! You are one of the few people who really know what she is doing" She smiles and says thank you.

Then in the after hours she gets pinged... (after a particularly harrowing experience)... 'Go home, please?' ..... She promises to be off in the next 30 minutes and to stay safe!

~ She's also advised to marry for money and not for love! ;) hee hee!

Thanks Charley.

Forbidden Lands!

And this is the experience...

Kinnaur, Lahaul and Spiti with 78mm!

speeding on a jetplane!

how did life become so complicated she wondered?

well not hers.. but around her poeple are being pushed and pulled by the fabric of society...

she sees people giving in to cravings (of various types) and it saddens her heart...

how people have started to 'chase' a dream instead of 'following' it...

how people refuse to fathom the simple joys of wheatflakes with milk and honey... (they'd rather think about the calories); a cup of green tea in the morning... (how can anything possibly be wrong with it?); rushing along without having a bath coz you know u'd rather sleep than feel the epitome of clean... (~ now that may well be a personal threshold! ;) ); getting a 'thank-you' note for good work done... (instead of fighting to get up higher); taking a walk in the rain... (without worrying about wetting your clothes.. duh!)... and of a first speeding ticket! ;)

The story of the speeding ticket goes like this... 11:30 AM still in the car and driving nice and peacefully to catch a jet 1 PM flight... suddenly you realize that it's Jet.. the last she remembers is their check in is 60 mins and not 40 like others! ~ thus begins the zipzapzoom through a myriad mix of cars on namma bengaluru's roads! The first police radar is something she notices and brakes... passes through without incident and then zipszapszooms again to reach namma airport which is 100 miles away! (~sheesh!)

12:15 PM entry.. meanwhile a call has been made and it is confirmed that our dude can reach 30 mins before boarding and we are still ok! As the man is loaded with bags and in his own words looks like a 'laptop salesman' he gets the parting hug and instructions to messgae once he's boarded... (after all she'll have to pick him up otherwise right!)

Well... habituated to the 120-130 speeds and empty roads she zipszapszooms again straight into the cops net. :'(

Cop: First extremely surprised that a girl was speeding and then..

"Madam.. ye gaadi tez ja raha tha"

Yours Truly: "sir kitna tez...?"

Cop: "Madam speed limit 80 hai"

Yours Truly: praying teh cop doesnt smell the beer for breakfast on her breath or spot the bottles of booze in her car steps oout and asks: "sir fine kitna hai"

Cop: amazed again at the fact that she hasnt try to patao him etc..

Yours Truly meanwhile continues to pray

Cop: 600

Yours Truly: (knowing this is high) "aap receipt de do main fine deti hai"

Cop: 300

Yours Truly: ~ smiles smugly and heaves a sigh of relief coz that's the amount she has in her wallet and 5 bucks more... takes out the money, hands it over and stands meekly like a good kid.

Cop: smiles at her and says thank you madam

Yours Truly: ~ looks around weirdly and hen runs to the car to get outta there!!!!

And then she calls mom and dad: "Hi! I got my first speeding ticket!"

Mom: "haan mujhe bhi milti hain. par main 100 main hi bach jaati hun! congratulations on the graduation!"

Dad: "both mother and daughter get speeding tickets! ~sheesh! and yes.. congratulations by the way for the first one!"

Elder Sister: "wow!!!! you can drive that fast!!!"

~ kya family hai!

DayDreaming!

Here's a song that came rushing back to me...

"Dreamin' I'm always dreamin'

Dreamin' love will be mine

Searchin' I'm always searchin'

Hopin' someday I'll find

Someone, someone to love me

Someone to need me but until then

Well I'll keep on dreamin'

Keep right on dreamin'

Dreamin' till my dreamin' comes true ue ue ue ue ue ue ue..."

back to the basics!

and it's a beautiful, rain-filled yet sunshiny day! there's a barbeque planned... ;) and the marvellous laziness of a slow saturday fills her with peace!

she smiles as she stutters up out of bed and begins to marinade the chicken!

~ and then everyone needs to believe in something.. she believes she'll grab some beer! (food my friend can make u smile!) ;)

confined by words

'purple ramblings' as it's most ardent fan calls this blog shut down to the world. The  reactions have been myriad... (and she thinks that's the latest word she's developed a fancy for)...

i turn in now to talk to myself... i turn in now to find a few answers to questions i have always been shattered to be faced with. they are hard questions... the answers lie in giving it time and patience.. holding on and continuing to believe... 

it's never easy it? especially if it becomes a tussle between the one's you love and who are closest to you... you don't want it to turn into a match... yet it gets weighed... your decisions are just that.. based on what you think is best for you and what you have been brought up to believe is best for you.. isn't that faith substantial enough? 

maybe... a voice inside my head reverberates as i write.. maybe i am thinking too much.. maybe it's just a bout of insanity that needs to live and spiral out... 

it's a maze of maybe's and i'm finding my way... (and i am still not ok to give confine the questions in the clear boundaries of words)

hiatus

i know i will be back... it's just remains to be seen when! :) keep it rollin folks!

tidbits..

It's a good feeling when all you have pending on a to-do list is to go to the bank and fight for a debit card! ;)

Yawn.. stretch.. lazy friday morning giving way to an easy time at work with a mere 2 client calls... a night with dinner of nice adrak wali dal... a movie... a few long conversations..!

A coffee shop.. a book... a humongously satisfying chicken salad and a humongous glass of chilled cold coffee to keep it company! Such is the massage to the soul!

A cute li'l kid deciding to crawl all the way up to and stare up with his big blue eyes and go.. 'aaaa' and then you get on the floor too and its a crawlathon with folks looking on weirdly amused!

A maruti service station guy who falls for ur smile and does your repairs on priority and for free... ;)

A gas station guy who insists you participate in a lucky draw! And lo and behold you win a pen! (hey something's better than nothing.. and since I already have the jonga you think i care about the SX4 in the bumper prize? ,';o) )

2 beautiful golden labs sniffing their way up to you and deciding to settle down and play with you!

A dholki that you bought off the roadside and love to create ruckus with! A night with the dholki, a 2 string guitar, drumsticks only and lots of food and banter!

Orange juice as a famished you stands on the street getting chappals repaired and buying pirated dvd's!

~ and a count of days to meet the special people in your life! (oh yes.. and a clean clean cupboard! ... complete ain't it!) ;)

Saddi Jonga!

and oh well.. it's time for a formal introduction to saddi jonga! :)

This rugged li'l baby was driven from Baroda to Bangalore and Independence Day found her trundling along to Chennai for an Independence Jam and then to Tada falls for a night camp! 6 people, 1 Jonga and enough camping equipment for 12 people! Quite an inception eh? ;) This baby stepped into areas where even a safari wud've cringed! 

Since then she's been on various trips! And she's enjoyed every bit of them! This is one jongs who got her break drum changed within 4000 kms! And got a new tyre within 7000! :D (hey don;t stare! she's tough!!) Kabhi bas ek lambi drive.. kabhi airport ka ek geda... kabhi biryani ki khoj.. kabhi camping and trekking! She's already been there done that!! 

And then came the day when she got her shiny new stickers! Character had been added to the already existing attitude! If she likes you she'll literally drive like makkhan.. but if she takes the tiniest offence at the way you handle her... she will have her revenge! (as she did recently with Barwala who kept screaming this damn car is too smooth... so our li'l darling goes 'ha! now try putting me in gear!' :D The time he had was terror-ible!)

Like Mish often says... ye gaadi.. itna pyar hai iske peechhe na... none of of us can see anything happen to it!

Sometimes if she's not getting enough attention she throws a flat tyre tantrum!! And to give you an idea of the 'luv' around for this one here's a recent conversation:

me: happpyyyyyy holi! :)

 rathore: hey ... happppy holi to u as well

 caution: keep Jonga covered

 me: :D jonga aaj office jayegi ji

  and 3rd flat tyre in 3 weeks!

 rathore: opps..

 me: kal raat me hua!

  airport jaate jaate

  hee hee

 rathore: Jonga ..ek trip ke liye jidd kar rahi hai

 me: so to lag raha hai

  :)

me: :) chaliye ab hum egg masla banaate hain aur office ko jaate hai

  baaki ki baatein wahan se

  tyre bhi theek karana hai!

:D

 rathore: ok ...

  bye

  Jonga pe thoda red gulal laga dena

 me: :) ji

  bilkul

  jonga apne horn se aapko happy holi kehti hai

 rathore: ok ...main bhi jhappi leni ki koshis karta houn
and so... gaddi chaldi.. chhalaanga maardi! :)

clouds!

And the status messages of friends read:

Mini: Life is beautiful! :-)

Ammu: happppyyyy

Shweta: Dreaming my life away...

And then this plays in my head over and over and over:

Talking of status messages here's one on the list that'll make your day!!!!

Nishu: pee needs to be aimed .. not potty .. potty is atom bomb .. drop it anywhere .. it detonates everything :)

Of Mondays!

Ahh a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l Monday! :) (and no I am not drunk right now!! there is not even a drop of alcohol in me and hasn't been for the past 36 hours now... so no I am not even hungover!!)

Ok so it was a slow start with me turning off the alarm for the n'th time and then suddenly realizing that 'Oh Shit! My maid is on chutti!!' (that directly means I am suppossed to listen to my alarm and not wait for the doorbell! ;) ) It was 10:05 and I had a meeting at 11!! And I somehow insisted on having a bath and on breakfast as well! The feat was managed in 25 minutes flat and as I ran down the stairs it struck me "I had a flat tyre last night! I need to get the hawa checked!!!" Lo n behold this is the day that there's line for Hawa and not Petrol! Call up boss, "I had a flat tyre (conveniently skip the last night part)... I will be half hour late!" :D

Languidly walk into office to discover that 5 people have been waiting on you for a meeting to start! Now doesn't that feel 'important'! :D (yeah yeah.. Cheap thrills!) 1 meeting.. 2 meeting.. (stop wondering where's the good part!) and then I rush out of office to enjoy a nice subway and get the tyre done at the Ceat Shoppe closeby. (Yup.. paranoid about driving without a stepney!) Now to cut a long story short, I need to buy a new tyre! But what the heck.. here's the long story as well... ;) When the 'new' car was coming from Baroda to namma Bengaluru then dad had had a flat tyre which was quite bad and so it already had a patch in it. This tyre was designated to be used as a stepney. However when I had a tyre wobbling problem (a few months ago!!) the stupid maruti guy changed tyres without telling me. And so I had been driving on the patch wala tyre. Hence now the need for a new tyre. Added to that is the fact that its a JK tyre and the dealer is only on JC road!! (I take heart that since I will finally be there I'll get my car stickers done as well!)

And I still insist that it's a beautiful bright sunshiny Monday and I am NOT under the influence of alcohol!! Go ahead... read on!

In conversation with a friend sometime later in the evening...

mightyrudh: and you know on the best part of the trip! i was riding with jeet (yup... the darkling of my life! Amd yup MightyRudh is male!)

I copy paste this piece to Granpa who is also on GTalk..

Granpa (out of his sheer love and possessiveness for the man in my life!): kaun hai yeh dusht??

Ani: ~ question: does he use a female deo which has in it the pheromones to attract men?!!

Granpa: err.... hmm... aah...

Ani: :P

Granpa: in the larger interest of people involved in this complex situation, i choose not to react!

(ok disclaimer... the man in my life is not gay! it's just that he attracts a lot of men!! In a way... so long as its just men and guitars! ;) )

Meanwhile my roomie's status is reading: "Life is Beautiful" complete with a smiley!! So obviously my questions are:

1. Did you get another job?

2. Are you getting married? 

3. Did you hack a rich guy's bank account!! :D

In another window I have Mr. You. Know. Who getting romantic and I am rapidly blinking and staring at the screen when he finally types, "Motee fainted!" and I breathe a sigh of relief!!! (go ahead! blame me!) :P

Ahh well! Cut to a scene where I have managed to leave office before midnight and run off to bhai's place! Talk about being pampered it was like being spoilt to the core! Garma garam dosa's with special dosa chutney (compliments to Fazzy Bhaiya!!!)... crowning glory is a special egg dosa... accompaniments of aam ka murabba and mirchi ka achaar!!! (Ab koi thaka hara office se aaye aur garma garam ghar ka khana special parosa hua diya jaaye... to ye jannat se kam thode hi hai!) :)))) Idle banter and games on a newly acquired XBOX! Thodi der baad it was striking 12 and cinderella thought it was time to be home! Now it's a ritual that Bhai walks me to my safe haven and then I drive off! Is baar gaadi tak pahunchte pahunchte... 

Ani: 'Pastry khaane chale?'

Bhai: 'kahan?? Leela's leke jayegi tu to!'

(don't look at me like I fell on this earth with a load of ancestral money to squander! The Leela's happens to have a nice li'l Barrista in it! ;) )

Ani: 'abhi to vohi khula hoga!'

Bhai: mmm.... hmmm....

Ani (on the phone with Fazzy Bhaiya by then): 'jaldi se aa jao.. ekdum abhi aao... ghar band karo aur aao'

Bhai: 'arrey kya kar rahi hai?? mera chashma toota hai.. maine topi bhi nahi pehni hai.. Leela's jaana hai! main aata hun!' (ahem! ahem!)

(by such time Fazzy bhaiya in a state of complete panic has arrived by the car in his lungi and is graciously told... chalo baitho.. Leela's chale!)

Ani: ~mischevious grin!

Fazzy bhaiya: 'arrey bas do minute lagenge kapde badalne me.. bas do min!'

The 2 men go off.. take 10 minutes instead of 2 and the transformation is evident! From lungi to mast shirt n torusers... from toota chasma to skull cap and casual sandals! Tashan!!

Ahh well! It's a night full of chocolate with choc excess, dark temptation and wicked brownies!!! Lots of conversation... some guitar strumming... and a nice drive back home with Bhai and then Fazzy bhai in the drivers seat trying to figure out a way to connect to my li'l Jonga's engine! :)

Now tell me.. isn't that a beautiful Monday!! :)))

(Its an ethereal experience to have a great Monday... I needed to narrate this in the first person! :D )

foodie weekend!

she sleeps of too sunny side up eggs with butter toast and beer... wakes up to milk and strawberries... fixes a meal of lobiya and bhindi and fulke... takes the day through on cups of mint coffee.. and dozes of to bites of a roast almond chocolate! Morning finds her having a bath to end up at a lunch with buddies... a Mexican chicken burger, a milano pizza and a couple of pitchers of beer... evening finds her biting into the sheer joy of couple of raw red carrots as she makes corn bake for dinner! and now... a dash of whiskey over a glass of kokam to put her to sleep to face a very full Monday!

~have a great week ahead! and don't beat her up when she says 'stay hungry.. stay foolish!' ;)

wish her luck!

ok people.. she's on her way home and she needs all the luck you all can summon for her! :) she's also inevitably looking forward to the gajar ka halwa and the various other MommyMade delicacies! :D

she will try to keep you 'posted'! ;)